March 8, 2012

This week has been a crazy rollercoaster of ups & downs and twists & turns. Based on the info from our last post, our optimism regarding Kenzie's future was definitely on the upswing (and rightfully so). The Lord's faithfulness in the healing and improvement of her pulmonary valve and in the growth of her pulmonary arteries was definitely a huge blessing and encouragement to us. In fact, this past weekend Carter's was having a sale and I even went a little crazy buying all sorts of cute baby clothes. Fortunately Ryan didn't mind. ;)

Well midway through this week we definitely hit a "bump in the road." As we had been advised, we recently sent Kenzie's info off to a couple different hospitals who are well known for their cardiac programs. We heard back from both places and the feedback we receieved was pretty tough to swallow to say the least. To make a long story short, they basically informed us that (according to their opinions) Kenzie is on such a severe side of the Ebstein's spectrum that her chances of survival are much, much lower than we thought. They pointed out all the major issues they noticed and how the rarity and severity of her condition was pretty detrimental. They offered us little hope. Needless to say, this news was devastating. Just as we thought things were looking up, it seemed everything came crashing down again. I think I was more upset at hearing these things than when we first found out about her condition.

Tired of the ups and downs and feeling as if we could't take any more disappointment and sadness, the thought of giving up hope certainly crossed my mind. But I quickly realized that this isn't what God calls us to do and it isn't what Kenzie deserves. We've been saying all along that we're trusting God with her life and understand that she rests in His hands alone. So how can we allow man's opinion to change our trust and faith that He's the one in control, not the doctors? As our family reminded us, God doesn't work off of odds and statistics. He can work with 0% chance, so we certainly can't give up the hope that He can heal our little one. The phrase kept repeating itself in my mind that "until her heart stops beating, I will look forward to her with full joy and expectancy." And of course will continue to constantly pray for her healing and protection. Plus, if she is okay, we want her to know that we never, ever gave up on her.

The Bible tells us that God promises His peace to those who belong to Him and present their requests to Him (Philippians 4:6-8). This morning while we were getting ready for our appointment with the surgeon from Columbus, it was clear that God definitely flooded us with this peace. We knew that regardless of what we were told today by the surgeon, we could trust in Him and had no reason to "be anxious about anything."

Although He of course didn't have to, God in His total graciousness provided us with a ray of sunshine when we met with the doctor this morning. Although the surgeon recognized the same issues brought up by the other hospitals, his overall optimism regarding her situation was so refreshing. While the other hospitals pointed out all the problems they saw, this doctor pointed out all the favorable signs he observed and gave us many options for what they could do to fix her heart. We appreciated the fact that he didn't try to pigeon-hole her situation and say for certain what was going to happen to her. He was humble enough to admit that they don't give absolute assessments at this point in time because they never actually know how a baby will do once he/she is born. He told us that regardless of what her situation is when she is born, they can do something to help. He even told us that it's possible she won't need surgery until a few months down the road. (Best case scenario, but hey, we'll take it!) This information not only encouraged us, but confirmed that we are definitely in the right place and he is definitely the right one to perform her surgery. We are grateful to be in Columbus!

Although this news was a blessing and a half, we are continuing to place her in God's hands alone. If nothing else, the events of this past week served to remind us that our peace and joy shouldn't come from our earthly circumstances, but from the knowledge that we belong to Him and that He is in control of all things.